Monotonie

still too far away, the road that i have to go on
with my own foot, with no clear target, with no clear aim
still, i dont understand
still, i cant imagine
meaning of i breath
meaning of this study
meaning of friendship i've made
meaning of leaving my beloved family and friends behind, in my own land
when people let you down so many times, until you cant depend them anymore
when people stare you down until you cant hold it anymore
when people think you are 'no one'
when eyes stare at nothing
my body become numb
my brain also
trying to break the ice in this live
wich bound me to monotonism
i want something diffrent
that can make me feel better, deleting this numb
before i reached the time
will it be?
from all thing that i hate
i just hate 1 thing
my self in this monotonism of life